06 December 2009

Rape Prevention 101

Stole this from the legendary Twisty Faster of I Blame the Patriarchy. She's a pisser! I love this, since it subverts the usual victim-blaming bullshit that gets bandied about after a rape.

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work

1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.

2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.

3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to assault her.

4. If you are in a lift and a woman gets in, don’t assault her. You know what? Don’t even ogle her.

5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not assault her.

6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars.

7. When you lurk in bushes and doorways with criminal intentions, always wear bright clothing, wave a flashlight, or play “Boys Who Rape (Should All Be Destroyed)” by the Raveonettes on a boombox really loud, so women in the vicinity will know where to aim their flamethrowers.

8. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from assaulting women, ask a trusted feminist friend to accompany you when in public.

9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to assault a woman, you can hand the whistle to your buddy, so s/he can blow it to call for help.

10. Give your buddy a revolver, so that when indifferent passers-by ignore the rape whistle, s/he can pistol-whip you.

Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her that you expect to be assaulting her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.



Mid Century Madam said...

Brilliant. Way to put the responsibility on the guilty party rather than the victim for a change.

Anonymous said...

I think a breath of fresh air just blew through my brain. I love this completely.